From the Inside.

I have fallen behind on my photos, but I will catch up tonight or tomorrow, probably tonight.

Sometimes life is just hectic, sometimes it takes priority over here, and over me.

Today I feel like so much has taken priority over me that I feel slightly lost and in turmoil.  I find myself feeling torn in ways.

Dealing with things inside, rediscovering ME and my history… bring with it a keen ache and sense of longing, a sense of that homesickness I have described before.  Today the homesick is for myself.  I have a keen knack for research and so I have been and finding that others who had, were wrong and I was right initially all along has a certain comfort to it, and also brings a renewed pain at the memory of it all.

I am finding myself reminded, flooded as it were with memory… and the heart hurts with it; and the mind reels with it. I am comforted by the knowledge of my truth, but in it too am reminded of what others do not know and do not accept.

Yes I am vague, but it is of self preservation that I am so.  I am purposefully so.  I have felt the persecution too many times not to be, felt the rejection too many times not to be.

To find a handful of souls that realize, that accept, that know and love me anyways is always my comfort.  I seek them

from lightbetweenlives.com

out and know they see within the shell to me and beyond.  I risk much in just the words alone, but it is my blog, my journal, my place and I can deny or admit anything I wish.

No one is harmed, but my heart in it’s endless ache for some recognition… but I do have that within my circle, within my ‘soul group’ as it were…… and for that I am grateful.  Many read here, some do not, and for that I am thankful also. They know who they are and they know how I cherish them in my world… but today it’s coming to terms and to grips with it that I must once again do as happens time and again…

This does come around often, reminders of things hit me, little things: sometimes a phrase, a scene in a film, a painting, an inflection of an accent, a dream even– and I am carried back to memory and where souls intertwine and so I will cope and endure, explore and remember and move forward and back yet again.